The Other Georgia

What an awful, awful blogger I am.  I knew I wouldn’t manage to keep the blog updated once I got home because, for whatever reason, I lose the ability to be productive upon entering the state of Florida.  So here I am–in Maryland to do some work and visit family–and the motivation to update finally takes a strong enough grip to get me typing.  (Aaaaand now….a few hours after I began this post–due to distractions and sleepiness–I am abandoning it to be finished tomorrow.  Here’s to hoping I don’t completely lose my train of thought.)

Okay!  So now tomorrow is today, I am post-workout, feeling great and ready to pick up where I left off yesterday.  If only I can remember what I was thinking…it was something along the lines of having gained a new perspective of both my own country and Georgia since going there and coming back home again, but I’m failing to recall any of the profound thoughts I was so sure my brain had conjured up.  I blame hunger.

Alright.  Now I have eaten and I am going to try to focus on the topic of this post.  As much as I was dreading going home, once all the stress and trouble of preparing for the trip and the almost two day trip itself were done I was not at all unhappy to be home.  I’ve spent a lot of time doing a lot of nothing with family and a friend who came to visit.  I have eaten delicious food and been reunited with my lovely vehicle.  I’ve spent an awful lot of time driving to and from the airport and scowling over gas prices.  The holidays were even more uneventful than I expected and my battle with jetlag finally seems to have come to an end.

I arrived in Maryland yesterday and have been spending the past few days half-contemplating and half-stressing over what the heck I am going to do with my life after this summer.  Shall I stay in Georgia?  Shall I return to my country, which is running itself into the ground at breakneck speed?  Should I head to another country all together?  I haven’t the slightest clue.  Not long before returning from Georgia I was /positive/ that I wanted to stay there for at least another year, but–as I mentioned–coming back home for a while has put some things into perspective for me.

Living in Georgia has done some effed up things to my health.  Some of it is seriously just TMI, so I am not going to go into it, but–aside from constantly having a cold of some sort–my breathing problems intermittently returned, I spontaneously developed very odd scars on my skin while living in my last flat–which I decided to move out of, by the way, for those who didn’ t know–my head was itching very badly and almost constantly and pursuing my preferred means of exercise is just not feasible in Georgia.

While I was still in Georgia I figured I must just not be doing something right.  I found all sorts of reasons to put the blame on my self, but no matter what I did, nothing improved.  As soon as I came back to the States, all the physical issues I was having (aside from the freakish scars, of course) vanished.  My stomach took a few days to readjust–though anyone who knew me pre-Georgia knows that I don’t often stray from eating healthy food for a number of reasons–and that’s it.  I was better.  It doesn’t seem to matter /what/ conditions I am living under in Georgia–when I was living with Georgians, forced to eat out and able to cook on my own I still had all the same issues.  Four months and my body never adjusted.  I would blame constantly being around smoke and drinking sometimes–two completely new things to me–but neither of these things were a factor in Lanchxuti and most of the problems started while I was living there.

Unless I can finally get into a living situation that I am happy with and figure out how to keep my health in check, I don’t know if I’ll be willing to stay in Georgia past 2011.  I hate to say that, but I know that I am very physically sensitive to my environment, and if my body is saying no to Georgia then I, sadly, have to listen.

But if that is the case then what next?  That dreadful question.  I certainly don’t know the answer and the fact that my goals extend in seventy-two different directions makes it difficult to figure out which path to take next.  There are two paths that are adorned with sirens and spotlights and have glowing “PICK ME” signs hanging above them and pointing down their lit pathways.  One is grad school and one is saving money.  Each one branches off in a couple of directions down the way, though, and the fanfare ends there, leaving me with more decisions.

I know that America is not the best place to be right now and it’s not even someplace that I particularly want to be in the long run, but I really have no clue where the right place is.  Picking up and heading for Georgia was easy enough, as I’m generally quite happy hopping around, but I don’t know.  I have definitely gained a lot during my time in Georgia, but I am losing out on a lot of things that are actually really important to me.  Each day in Georgia is a unique learning experience and I get to spend time with people that I have come to really care about, so I am happy.  My health, however, is suffering and I have completely given up pretty much all of the things that I love to do most, simply because there is no option to do those things in Georgia.  The most obvious solution is to make those things possible by creating said options, but my health is definitely my priority.

So yeah.  I guess coming home has helped me to be more objective.  While I was in Georgia it was difficult to see the benefits to not being there as I was so focused on life /there/.  Being reminded of what life outside of Georgia can be like I am better able to weigh the pros and cons of living there.  So, for now, I will just continue to take comfort in the fact that–aside from traveling and learning–I still have absolutely no clue what I want to do with the rest of my life.  :D

And maybe I’ll draw something.  I kind of need to do that.